How Serious is My Focus??

Things I’m keeping front of mind, post call with Brandon Broadwater and wanted to share!

“The biggest killer of focus is that there is no structure” – “Coach” from Higher Laws

“When you do what feels right, more and more doors will start to open” – unknown

“Once you commit, the Universe will test to see if you’re serious” – Brandon Broadwater, Higher Laws

Key question to ask everyday, week & month, “what’s my outcome”? Without a focus, we leave much to chance.

Kyle

That Was Listening?? You’re not serious …

Maybe you’ve experienced a situation where all you wanted to be was “heard??

Nothing more … nothing less.

If so, this will probably resonate with you …

The first duty of love is to listen

(Paul Tillich) Listening, real listening is what most people fail to do…listening is done not only with the ears but with all of our being. It is compassion and a tolerance that another may say something you don’t want to hear……It is the courage to have your world view change….real listening is a gift and a duty in love that you give to another that tells them they are cherished and of worth. On Listening (Ralph Roughton)

When I ask you to listen to me and you start by giving me advice, you have not done what I have asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin by telling me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as it may seem.

Listen!

All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do ….. just hear me. When you do something for me that I can do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy. And I can do for myself. I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. But, when you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling. And when that’s clear the answers are obvious – and I don’t need advise. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what is behind them.

Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes, for some people ….. because God is mute, and doesn’t give advise or try to fix things.

—-

After learning REAL listening through Satvatove, it’s apparent MILLIONS of people everyday, seldom get “heard”.

Just in the last 24 hours, 2 friends approached me about this; in both instances the “listener” was giving them advice about their situation (without permission) and not actually listening. I used to assume that “giving advice” was hand in hand with being a good listener … and often it’s not. Even though it does have its time and place. It should be one tool of many, not the only one.

Some give advice … before determining the true situation. Also a big mistake. Sometimes these “advice feeders“would be served to put their giant ego to the side … at least for 5 minutes. Start with listening. To many people preach listening and don’t practice it.

“Praise” is also an all-time favourite amongst many and also something I did constantly for over 25 years. Why not give someone some praise? After all it will make them “feel better” right? Cover up the reality of their situation. Making them walk away saying, “well I feel a bit better, but I sure didn’t get to the heart of the matter”.

It serves them more to LISTEN. It ultimately serves you too, as the listener, b/c people’s trust will go through the roof. And if you’re authentic and well intentioned, there’s nothing wrong with this and absolutely everything right.

We all have the answers to our own questions and it’s WAY MORE POWERFUL when we create our own solutions, vs. having them feed from someone else. As great listeners we can help people find clarity in their own thoughts & empowerment in their own conclusions.

** Update on one of my friends, who I truly listened to …

She went from being hungry, lazily lying on the floor, feeling totally uninspired … to telling jokes, taking powerful responsiblity for her situation, making plans, etc., all with in the course of 45 minutes.  Allowing her to unload the weight she was feeling about life and BE HEARD, turned her day around 180 degrees & she authentically thanked me for it.

This it’s what’s possible for everyone of us! Just a matter of being willing to grow and learn some new skills. If we sit around and think grade 1-12 plus some post secondary is all the education we’ll need … that’s cheating ourselves, our friends, our family & society at large.

So it’s clear – I’m not a communication god. There’s still much to learn. Thanks to incredible teachers and an evolving circle of friends, I’m aware my own journey in this regard has just started.

As always, thoughts & comments are welcome.

Sincerely,

Kyle

PS –  Last Tuesday I woke to immense inspiration around this … “what if worldwide we could communicate on a really deep level”? What would that do for our problems? The war? The hate? The misunderstanding? The pain amongst in our very own families?  Satvatove for me is the doorway to what’s possible. Hundreds who’ve taken their courses & coaching would agree.

PSS – The things I saw in Florida this past August @ the Advanced Course, were some of the most profound things ever seen with my own two eyes. As a society we’ve only scratched the surface of what’s possible. We’re playing small … we can play bigger. Lastly, to my two dear friends who depart to Florida this Saturday – you’re both incredibly courageous for having the guts to take this on. My thoughts are with you and I await your return in two weeks time.

Published in: on December 3, 2009 at 5:51 pm  Comments (3)  
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Today Matters … It Builds the Future

Let one of the world’s best speakers enlighten us …

Weight of a Storm

My close friend Tim Francis, wrote this quote on a sticky note a number of months ago … recently it showed up again.

“If you want to enjoy the rainbow, you need to be prepared to weather the storm” – Sharon Higgins

Between the recent status of my dad’s health & the large challenges in life, this quote has recently taken on a much deeper meaning …

What storm are you facing? Know & trust rainbows are coming.

Kyle

Published in: on November 30, 2009 at 6:05 pm  Comments (1)  
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Pollution & Cigarettes are Good!!

Measuring what truly matters … or not … how long will we play the same game before we get it??? Our government & society still runs everything primarily based off Gross National Product and/or Gross Domestic Product

Here are some words from former US President Robert F Kennedy that will knock this wide open …

“Too much and for too long, we seemed to have surrendered personal excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things.  Our Gross National Product, now, is over $800 billion dollars a year, but that Gross National Product – if we judge the United States of America by that – that Gross National Product counts air pollution and cigarette advertising, and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage.  It counts special locks for our doors and the jails for the people who break them.  It counts the destruction of the redwood and the loss of our natural wonder in chaotic sprawl.  It counts napalm and counts nuclear warheads and armored cars for the police to fight the riots in our cities.  It counts Whitman’s rifle and Speck’s knife, and the television programs which glorify violence in order to sell toys to our children.

Yet the gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education or the joy of their play.  It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages, the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials.  It measures neither our wit nor our courage, neither our wisdom nor our learning, neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country, it measures everything in short, except that which makes life worthwhile.  And it can tell us everything about America except why we are proud that we are Americans.”

Robert F. Kennedy, March 1968 @ University of Kansas

Kind of makes one think hey???

If thing intrigues you, consider reading Mark Anielski’s book where he has paired down all kinds of intriguing evidence & perspectives on “genuine wealth”,i.e. truth wealth. For the record this *does* include financial capital.

See below for the five factors he brings into play:

1) human capital

2) social capital

3) economic & financial capital

4) built capital

5) natural capital.

Cheers,

Kyle

P.S. Your comments are welcome … post them below. This is how dialogue can easily be opened in the “web 2.0 world”, so let’s take advantage of this!

Does Everest Exist? Sure … build a map!

In the past I’ve been drawn to certainty and knowing “what’s next”. For me there has been a certain comfort is found in this place. That said, it’s time to take life from another angle. Taking more chances and risking … going for it!

This week over some herbal tea @ a cafe near Whyte Avenue, Mark Anielski (author, public speaker, economist & thought leader) shared something that was very profound. I was checking with Mark’s experiences regarding this whole vision and “taking action” thing . So I inquired by saying, “Mark, I’m 26 years old; I’ve got all these ideas and vision … how do I draw a line from here to where I want to go”?

Loosely paraphrased he responded, “Kyle we are map makers and just because we can’t see Mt. Everest doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, the path presents itself as we walk it.” With that in mind, what I got from his reply is to … build the map as I grow – go for it – and TRUST.

———-

In relation to this, today my email inbox courtesy of JingleInYourJeans.com had this message …

Activationist: A person that takes action NOW and follows-through. They get things done NOW, which gives them confidence to do more, which earns them more and more money, and continuously builds their inner-security.

Passivationist: They postpone things until they have proved that they shouldn’t or can’t, or until it’s too late. By not acting, they lose confidence, destroy their own self-reliance, and live in mediocrity.

(From “The Magic of Thinking Big”, by David Schwartz, PhD)

To sign up for access to other great tips and ideas … straight to your inbox click here.

———-

So this leaves me with two choices:

1) try to predict and draw the entire map from where I sit now

OR

2) grab a pencil and large sheet of paper and build the map as I go …

*** The second option’s scarier. At the same time it sounds like way more fun!!

And for the record, the Magic of Thinking Big is a RIDICULOUS read. If you want an injection of what’s possible in your life, please take it upon yourself to read the book. I’ll even make you a deal – if you read it and it’s absolutely of no value to you … I’ll buy you a coffee.

Sincerely,

Kyle

P.S. One of my favourite songs right now … totally relevant to this post – enjoy 🙂

Input leading to Legacy …

The importance of input into our world is so crucial. Brad Wolgamott who I’ve previously alluded to, discusses the input we receive (conversations, emails, radio, etc.) as being so critical because it leads to thoughts, then beliefs and ultimately outputs … or in other words our reality and existence.

More concretely this was the lineage he described …

Input –> Thoughts –> Talks –> Act –> Habit –> Character –> Destiny –> Legacy

The conclusion this leaves me at is … to be a “good little map maker”, one must feed the mind, body & soul with inputs worthy of the outputs I envision.

Published in: on October 17, 2009 at 2:57 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Song Writing in a “Civic Cycle”

Here are some basic, but potentiall very powerful tips for writing a great song in a “civic cycle”.

1. Study music from the 20’s, 30’s & 40’s … based on the idea that our society is cyclical … every 40 years we shift into a new cycle.

2. Write so people can personally identify with what’s being said … make it real for your listener.

More on where this comes from on my other blog …

Kyle

Published in: on September 30, 2009 at 11:23 pm  Comments (1)  
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Steak is In; Sizzle is Out – Which are you …

Last night Michael Drew was in Edmonton to speak about trends in society, where we’ve been, where we’re at and where things are headed.

First a bit of background … Michael has worked with a number of name authors (including T Harv Eker) moving these authors onto best seller lists across North America (including the New York Times). At age 30 his record is 58/58 in meeting this goal for his authors – this guy’s impressive.

Michael  mentioned in a private conversation that he’s drawn to “big thinkers” … in his presentation he described “the age of authenticity” , which featured these two societal cycles …

A) “Civic Cycles”… where it’s not about BIG DREAMS, it’s about small actions. We started the most recent civic cycle in 2003, which society is prominently being guided by right now.

B) “Idealistic Cycles” …where it’s about the individual … 1983 was the most recent peak for this. “Billy Jean” by Michael Jackson came out and Madonna was also doing her thing. In this cycle there’s more glitz and glam … more plastic. In business & marketing in this period it’s about how the steak sizzles, not the steak.

Being that we’re in a Civic Cycle, it’s now about the “steak” – the content, an authentic experience and the true value for people. People turn to their friends and their circle for advice and experiences … advertising doesn’t work like it once did. For example, if someone has a bad experience at Future Shop they can instantly “tweet” about it and share it with 100’s to 1000’s of people. Future Shop can advertise all they want … but if they’re not delivering on their customer promise, their reputation can go sideways instantly. For you as it was for me this likely isn’t news … personally I found it profound the manner it which he described it and pieced it all together.

*** Here’s something Michael left us with that I wanted to share with you 🙂

10 Tips from Michael Drew – for Success in a “Civic Cycle”

# 1. Refer to things in your marketing materials, that you know your customer has experienced.

# 2. Deliver to your customer exactly the experience you promise them.

# 3. Evaluate what you’re doing to make a difference. (specifically in society … not the bottom line of your business)

# 4. Look for loopholes. Loopholes in your own business and close them. Expose them in your industry & competition; you’ll get the attention (example: Mac computer vs. Microsoft).

# 5. Make it easy on your website … to do this, you must have a website! It’s your bookmark on the web.

– Clear concise messaging that’s easy to “get” is key.

# 6. Don’t “wee-wee” all over yourself. In a “civic cycle” it’s not about you. It’s about others.

# 7. Learn two wonderful little words “which means”; complete the phrase “which means …” to explicitly let your customers know how what you do applies to them and benefits them.

#8 . When available, include raw unscripted testimonials.

– Don’t use testimonials with hype – whether it’s true or not people see through this. On Michael’s site he provides a perfect example – key in on the words “it’s not an easy strategy, but it’s effective“. When you watch this also notice how authentic/real Ivan Misner is vs. something really flashy & phony.

# 9. Keep your pocket notebook at all times.

– There’s golden nuggets of information around us everyday – capture it, you never know when it might come in handy.

# 10. Put someone in charge of studying the practical applications of social media. If you don’t have that person – you’re in charge!

================

By the way – if you’re an author, Michael’s site is loaded with free tips, ideas and information. To apply a “raw testimonial”, it’s impossible for one to say Michael’s perfect … however 58/58 looks pretty perfect to me … haha.

Good luck authenticating!

Kyle

P.S. Thanks to Lara Solara & David Matichuk for their tireless work in bringing Michael to Edmonton!

P.S.S. Tips for writing a great song in the civic cycle by clicking here

… “I’ve got a neat gimmick, let’s tell the truth.” – William Bernbach

Let Go Of Your Pain – There is A Life Waiting For Us

Thanks for these quotes and the great conversation this morning Miles !

This rings so true for me … especially after my time in Florida last month, where I now feel so much clearer and lighter.

—-

“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?” – Mary Manin Morrissey

“There’s always the motivation of wanting to win. Everybody has that. But a champion needs, in his attitude, a motivation above and beyond winning.” – Pat Riley

“The best way to predict the future, is to create it.” – Craig MacTavish

“I have told you that, no matter how many times you have refused to enter the sanctuary, you have only to knock and the door will be opened to you. I have said to you “Ask and it shall be given you,” but you refuse to believe in me. You think that someone is counting your sins, your moments of indecision or recalcitrance, but it is not true. You are the only one counting. I say to you brother, “stop counting, stop making excuses, stop pretending that the door is locked. I am here at the threshold. Reach out and take my hand and we will open the door and walk through together.” I am the door to love without conditions. When you walk through, you too will be the door.” – Paul Ferinni

Published in: on September 16, 2009 at 12:27 pm  Leave a Comment  
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